Hurricane Party (Drinking) Survival Guide
Posted on June 22 2017
It’s that time of year for us in the Southern Gulf Coast, hurricane season. Weathermen with records worse than the Cleveland Browns predict storms and show us maps of wiggly lines that always lead to our door step. There are dire warnings to always keep a full tank of gas, two weeks of rations and to charge your cell phones.
Not all bad advice
After the storm you are instructed to stay put in your home, unless there is structural damage. Make sure to beware of hazards like downed power lines, weakened tree limbs and poisonous snakes.
"Don't drink the water, fish screw in that stuff!"
Also you are warned to not drink the possibly contaminated water, just like the patron saint of beer Saint Arnold used to preach!
All Solid advice but we fill they are lacking in some important advice. So here is where we come in to help, and party!
The Southern Drinking Club’s Hurricane Drinking Guide
In our experience when not evacuating it is best for friends to come together to ride out the storm as a group and have a Hurricane Party! Pick the friend’s house that is best suited for entertaining and surviving. Now load up coolers of frozen meat, everything from your fishing trips to the time at the hunting camp. Power is going to go out so might as well bring it all. Also your favorite board games(especially ones you kick ass at), first aid supplies and most importantly your stash of booze. Yes bring all of your top shelf liquor, beer and wine, there is always a chance your house won’t be there when you get back!
"Hurricane Party? Lemme grab my beer and I'll be right over!"
During the Storm
As the hurricane arrives the first instinct will be to take your bottle of Jack outside, take a swig, then to hurl the bottle into eye of the storm. Yes, it would be a cool story, but most likely you will end up getting smacked by flying debris and even worse, down a bottle of valuable liquor. More importantly you will need every drop of that sweet Tennessee nectar. All likelihood you will be stuck indoors passing the time in close quarters with the same people for who knows how long, so you can see why having proper social lubrication will be important.
That no power thing makes your fridge about as worthless as a set of tits on a bull. So that is why I suggest popping open any and all bottles of champagne you have. Why not toast with you and your friends for riding out the storm of the century. No one drinks warm champagne, and unless you drink it all, that is exactly what you are going have in the next few days. While you are at it, why not juice some lemons and shake them with the remaining ice, then add an ounce of gin to make it a French 75! Sure flood waters may surrounding the house, but that’s no reason to not show a little class.
First day after the storm it is guaranteed that a little day drinking is going to happen. So when it comes time to grab a beer, I highly suggest filling your favorite koozie with an IPA or Pale Ale while they are still chilled. Light beers can go down while warm and beers like stouts and Belgian ales are even recommended to be served at higher temperatures. Besides, any brewer will tell you that IPA’s are best drank at their freshest! However if you don’t have IPA’s, follow the rule of thumb that low alcohol beer tastes better cold while full high alcohol brews are better warmer.
Now if you are not a beer swilling southern and prefer the vino, we have a plan for you too. Just like any other Sunday brunch, pull a cork on your favorite bottle of white wine. While a proper Southern Drinking Club member will always have the appropriate glassware for each varietal of wine, we suggest you leave them in the cabinet. Water will be in short supply, so let’s not go wasting it washing glasses, especially when wine comes in a perfectly capable drinking vessel. So take the bottle in handle and wonder out to survey the damage. No one will judge you; it’s a hurricane party, so do it up!
First Night after the storm is perfect time to for the Mother of all BBQ’s! Remember all those coolers of meat everyone brought, well they are not getting any fresher so this is the time to light the grill. Cooking on wood or charcoal is a debate for another time, just light up whatever you have at hand. After that it’s time to toss on anything and everything that walked, swam, or flew onto the grill. Piles upon piles of tasty meat are stacked high and you might notice the lack of veggies. When you can only grab a few things before you evacuate your home, lettuce just doesn’t make the list.
Not a veggie in sight!
So while you are taking down a plate of steaks, snapper, turkey, and tamales (they were in the fridge too,) it’s time to reach for the red wine. Cabernet, Pinot Noir, Merlot, Zinfandel or Malbec, doesn’t matter, it’s time to crush the red grapes. Bonus imaginary internet points if you have Port. No need to drink anything else, the meat coma that is coming will put you down for the night.
You should have an idea how long this party is going to last by now. Depending on this, it’s most likely time to break into the hard stuff. Yes we have been holding off on our friends Jack, Jose, and Jim, but it’s time to call them from the bullpen. See you have been around your friends longer than normal, and there is a good chance they are starting to wear on you! Don’t worry this is normal, especially when you combine the close quarters, high temperatures, lack of proper hygiene and mosquito’s.
So let the spirits flow and pass around some bottles like you are in a rock band. Hope you like them served “neat”, because that is the style of drink that is going to be popular without ice and mixers! Being drunk enough to not notice your buddy is stealing from the bank in Monopoly is a fantastic idea.
Let's hope it has not come to this
Day 3 +
The End has hopefully come at this point. Should it be safe enough the party will be winding down and everyone can part ways and go back to normal. Congratulations you have not only survived this hurricane party but rocked it, well like a hurricane!